Getting your first place can be a daunting experience. It is exciting and frightening at the same time. Most of the time, it is necessary to start with a roommate or two (or three) to make ends meet. Having been in, or witness to many nightmarish roommate stories, let me share with you some tips on doing it right.
Keep It Clean
Clean up after yourself in the kitchen. When you live with family, it may be ok to assign duties in the kitchen, such as having one person cook and the other clean. But as a roommate, it will not be ok to just leave your dishes for someone else. Get in the habit of immediately washing what you dirty after you are finished eating.
Also clean up after yourself in common areas. For instance, if you have friends over for a cookout, don’t leave the grill dirty, empty beer bottles and other debris in the backyard. That is trashy! And don’t leave your personal items in the living room. It is for everyone.
Your room, your private space, is your own business. However, it has been and always will be a reflection of you. Refusing to make your bed as a teenager is a childish action. Maybe nobody else will see it, but continuing to be so sloppy is massively disrespectful to your own self. Tidy your own room!
The Bathroom
Yeah, this needs its own heading! From toothbrush to toilet brush, get it right! When you finish your personal hygiene, clean up after yourself. This means, toothpaste on the mirror and in the sink, wet towels, and hair products. The shower is for getting clean, so don’t let it get dirty. No adult should have to tell another adult to keep the shower clean. Here is what that means: no scum left in the tub, definitely no hair! And keep your products in their assigned space, allowing room for the other person’s products. As with the shower, the toilet should be left perfectly clean for the next person. Never leave it dirty for yourself or others.
If all this is too much, you are not ready for roommates. Or adulthood for that matter. An option could be for everyone to chip in for a weekly housekeeper. Now, this might be an expense everyone is not willing to support, but it is absolutely something that needs to be discussed.
Curfews Are For Kids
When living with three, maybe four roommates, it is inevitable that there will be various schedules. Whether it is due to work or socializing, someone will be coming or going at all hours. The caveat is to be respectful of the others who may be resting at that time. Know what is going on at home before bringing in a rowdy group or playing loud music.
Same goes for get togethers at home. Talk with all the roommates and try planning something together or make an agreed upon schedule of the best time for inviting people over. It could be really annoying to be studying for a big exam while your roommate, who just passed theirs, is partying it up with her friends down the hall. Communication about this in advance could prevent hard feelings later.
Not A Hotel
Overnight guests should be approved by all. Maybe that sounds motherly but, truthfully, who wants to get up in the morning to find a stranger rummaging in the fridge? I certainly don’t want to run into someone I don’t know in my home in the middle of the night either. There are potential exceptions to this rule. Mine might be vastly different from yours but here are a couple examples. A sibling spends the night. Someone’s international friend traveling alone wants to stay and visit for one night. Emergencies. A planned all-nighter involving all roommates.
What should be avoided is an open house policy. Unless, of course, that is what you want. Some homes of roomies tend to become the social gathering place for all friends where someone new is always staying over. If that is the goal from the beginning, then suit yourself. It is a lifestyle choice. Just make sure everyone who pays rent to live there is in agreement.
Ask yourself questions like who pays the water and electricity bills? If parking is limited, do guests know not to park in your spot? Do these people respect your house rules? Would you choose them as a roommate? Do they bring drugs? I could go on, but you get the idea, right?
Speaking of Bills
Rent is rarely perfectly divisible by the number of roommates, so there’s that. Same can be said about utility bills. And, shouldn’t the one with the master bedroom with ensuite pay the lion’s share? And, why do we have to split the water bill four ways when roomie number three fills the garden bath every night for a long bubble bath? That is probably half the bill right there! Also, I don’t even like the AC, so why must I pay a fourth of the bill when I would rather leave it off?
Oh dear, the lack of planning and communication could totally kill a friendship. These concerns should be discussed before signing the lease. Trust me when I say to find responsible people to sign a legal document with. I have been burned in the past.
In my case, we both signed the lease, I agreed to pay more than half because I had a good job and she was still in school. It felt right at the time. I even gave her the master bedroom since I had a dog and the second room was closer to the door. In spite of all that, she ended up taking a summer job in Italy eight months into the year lease, and never came back! I was stuck with everything. Although I thought I knew this person, she ultimately screwed me over.
Privacy
Respect each other’s privacy just as you want them to respect yours. Set boundaries early and repeat if necessary. Keep personal things put away, and even locked away if they are valuable. Even if you trust your roommates, this could relate to the open-door policy described above. You may not always know who else is in your home, and what they are capable of. Keep pictures of valuables for proof of ownership. Consider a lock on your door if suspicious.
If a roommate’s door is closed, treat that as a sacred sign and do not enter. It may have been ok or even a challenge to barge into a sibling’s room back in the day, but as an adult, do not cross that line.
Privacy will also extend to knowledge you will inevitably gain while living under the same roof with others. You will learn things about your friends that you may not have really wanted to know and they about you. This can serve to bind you closer or develop into mistrust if you divulge it to people outside the home.
Imagine you commit the unforgivable crime of snoring and farting in your sleep. Do you want that to be the topic of conversation the next time your roomies are talking about you? No? Then don’t talk about their private things either! Remember the sacredness of your privacy at home. Are there things you don’t tell anybody about? Keep that in mind about your new housemates.
In Summary
It is impossible to cover every possible new occurrence you will encounter in your first home away from home but hopefully this has opened your mind to consider some of them. Do your best to really know who you will be living with. If in doubt, do not do it. You will pay dearly in the end. Talk things out often, making sure you are all still happy with your arrangement, and be willing to make sacrifices for the sake of peace. It is all part of the process. I wish you much success in this new life! PQ